The Proverbial Early Bird Experiment
by SergeantFuzzyBoots
Summary: Sheldon pays Leonard, Penny, and their daughter a late night visit with some concerns. Pairings: Leonard/Penny and heavy LPS family dynamic at the end.


**So, LP babies have been on the brain for a while, and then Leonard and Penny were totally Sheldon's parents in last night's episode so family dynamic feels happened and then ... this happened. I'm not entirely happy with it, but I hope it amuses you.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. Except Chloe. -dances-**

It was nearly two in the morning when Sheldon exited his bedroom and headed for the door, grabbing his spare key to Penny's apartment on the way out. He was clad in his plaid robe and pyjamas, his thin slippers on his feet, barely making any noise as he tread across the carpeted hallway to the door of 4B. He inserted the key into the lock.

Not for the first time was he entering his neighbour's apartment in the middle of the night for either Penny or Leonard's benefit, and he certainly hoped they appreciated it seeing as it greatly interrupted his sleep cycle. But Sheldon Cooper prided himself on being the good and caring friend that he was, and in order to do so, certain actions needed to be taken.

Upon entering the apartment, he quietly shut the door behind him. One of the nice things about visiting so late at night had always been that the apartment was dark and, as a result, he didn't have to look upon the state of extreme disorganization that Penny left her home in – though the theoretical physicist could admit that she kept it in better condition now, although it was nowhere near up to his standards.

He stopped once he was a few feet past the threshold of the bedroom, peering to his left across the room. The crib was there, though it was too dark to make out the sleeping infant that lay inside. How the three month old girl was managing to sleep with the ruckus Penny's soft snoring was causing was a mystery to the Texan. Perhaps the baby had gotten her hearing from Leonard and found it more or less acceptable background music for sleeping. Sheldon continued through the room towards the crib until he stood in front of it, peering down at the tiny human under the blankets. There she was, the reason for his midnight visit. Sheldon didn't think he liked this new little addition to the group; she cried numerous times a day and at night, too. Diapers and spit up were a normal part of the day, and she caused people to make that awful cooing noise whenever she was around. Most importantly, though, Chloe Hofstadter took up much of her parents' time. But hopefully tonight would fix that.

"Slowly step away from the crib."

Sheldon stiffened at the low voice. He carefully turned on the spot away from the crib until he was facing the bed where Leonard and Penny were both sitting up, Penny with a baseball bat in her hand and Leonard with his lightsaber, glowing a brilliant green.

"Leonard. Penny," he said, pausing to nod to each of them. "...how are you?"

Penny raised an eyebrow at him. "What the hell are you doing in here?"

"I'm fine, thanks for asking," he replied, figuring if they were going to refuse to engage in common courtesy, then at least he could. "The two of you are probably wondering what I'm doing here at this hour," he continued, ignoring the eye roll he received from the couple. "I've come here tonight, seeking your aid." He took a seat in the green revolving chair that he had deemed his spot seven years ago before Penny had moved it to her bedroom, a change he still could not comprehend.

The moment he lowered himself into the chair he became even more confused over its rearrangement. "No, that's not going to work at all," he said, rising to his feet. He gripped the rounded back of the chair and began to shove it closer to Penny's nightstand, creating a rough scraping noise against the floor – a noise that apparently outdid Penny's snoring in terms of irritability as Chloe began to cry.

Penny tipped her head back and sighed. "Leonard, I told you we weren't ready for two kids."

Sheldon frowned at this comment but she merely met it with a level stare. Meanwhile, Leonard laid down his lightsaber, pulled back the covers and went to pick his daughter up out of the crib.

"I know, I know," he said softly, cradling her in his arms.

Again, the theoretical physicist frowned. "What do you 'know'?"

Leonard shrugged. "Well, I don't know, I'm just trying to comfort her. I know the noise the chair made upset her."

"Do you _really_ know that for a certainty? I mean, for all we can know about her thought process, she could be crying out in distress because when the sound woke her, her blankets weren't surrounding her tightly enough. So, really, you can't _know_ for sure," he concluded after a moment's pause during which the experimental physicist simply stared at him.

Instead of giving a response to Sheldon's point (much to his dissatisfaction), Leonard returned his attention to Chloe as her cries grew in volume. "Daddy's here, Daddy's got you," he soothed, gently rocking her as he got back into bed.

"And now, see, how is that comforting at all?" Sheldon persisted. "Now that we've established that her father's a liar?"

Leonard ignored him, turning to Penny. "Should I do my Captain Kirk impression?" he asked, trying to keep the eager note out of his voice. A few weeks prior to that night, Chloe had been crying for nearly an hour, unable to be soothed by any of her parents' efforts until Leonard had done his Captain Kirk impression, making the child laugh for the first time. While Sheldon was pleased by the infant already showing favour towards _Star Trek_, he was still mostly miffed that Leonard and Penny had brought Chloe across the hall to wait out the crying fit while he'd been trying to watch _Doctor Who_. The one time he'd actually wanted some privacy, and the couple had barged right in with their wailing progeny.

"No, no," Penny said quickly. "We agreed that that was our last resort. Come here, sweetie," she said as Leonard transferred the baby from his arms to hers. Penny held her daughter to her chest and then glanced at Sheldon. "Look away for second."

"Well, that's hardly fair," he said indignantly. "I came asking for help first; therefore, my needs should be tended to first not dismissed."

Penny merely rolled her eyes and then lifted her shirt up so Chloe could nurse. Sheldon grimaced; he should've just looked away.

Once Chloe had settled into the feeding, Leonard turned to Sheldon. "So, what's up?"

_Finally_, his turn. "Wolowitz and Koothrappalli want to have a _Mario Kart_ tournament after work tomorrow and I request that you join us," Sheldon explained. "And you have to be on my team!" he added quickly.

"Sheldon, I've gotta go home and watch Chloe after work, you know that," said Leonard.

The theoretical physicist tipped his head back, sighing in irritation. "Are we not past this yet?" He deepened his voice to imitate Leonard. "'No, Sheldon, I can't make you grilled cheese, I'm looking after the baby'. Or 'No, Sheldon, I can't play Giant Jenga, if it falls it might wake the baby'." He glared at the experimental physicist. "You're paternity leave from work ended a week ago, when does paternity leave from our friendship end?"

"Sheldon," Penny began.

"Don't even let me get started on you, missy, when's the last time you took me grocery shopping with you?" He frowned at the couple, folding his arms across his chest. This was not going at all the way he'd planned. Whoever had created the phrase "Early bird catches the worm", they were dead wrong; it was two in the morning and that baby was still out-prioritizing him.

Penny sighed, starting again. "Look, sweetie, we're sorry that you're feeling ignored and left out, but baby's need a lot of attention, and it can be hard to find time to relax and hang out with you."

"I see," said Sheldon. "So, I'm just supposed to suffer, then."

"No, no," Penny assured him. "You shouldn't. Now that we know how you feel, Leonard and I are going to make more time for you, right, Leonard?"

"Yes, we will," Leonard agreed. "But," he added sternly. "That means that sometimes Chloe will be hanging out with us, and I don't want you making a fuss about it. You two have to learn to get along."

"Oh alright," Sheldon sighed, exasperated. She'd be a lot easier to get along with if she didn't always get her way by crying. But the theoretical physicist quickly perked up. "So, does that mean you're in for the tournament tomorrow?"

"No," Penny said. "But, next time there's a tournament, Leonard will make sure he can play. And tomorrow he'll take you out for ice cream after work before he drives you over to play."

"Oh no, not ice cream," Leonard said, shaking his head at Penny. "You _know_ there'll be tons of junk food at that tournament, I don't want him coming home and being too hopped up on sugar to get to bed on time."

Penny raised a stern eyebrow at him, her voice low as she spoke. "Leonard, he wants to spend time with you."

"Well, then I'll get him a toy or something, but I'm not poisoning his body with that much junk in one afternoon."

She sighed. "Fine, Sheldon, can he take you to the comic book store instead?"

He nodded. "That would be acceptable." A new toy and a promise of playing in a future video game tournament? Perhaps the proverbial early bird really did catch the worm. Although, if he was a smart early bird, he'd get going or else have to suffer watching as Penny switched Chloe over to her right breast to continue feeding. Another reason he wasn't all that fond of the child; there was a constant risky of surprise nudity. But, no. He was supposed to get along with her. Well, she did seem to like _Star Trek_. Perhaps there was hope.


End file.
